Jokes Rural Church (6 February 2012) You know you go to a rural church when: -The doors are never locked. -The Call to Worship is, "Y'all come on in!" -People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark. -The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" -- and five guys stand up. -The restroom is outside. -Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday. -A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of." -In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves." -Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables. -When it rains, everybody's smiling. -Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service. -A singing group is known as "The O.K. Chorale." -The church directory doesn't have last names. -The pastor wears boots. -Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday. -The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash. -The hat rack is full of John Deere and Red Man caps. -There is no such thing as a "secret" sin. -Baptism is referred to as "branding." -There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank. -Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable. -You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health. -High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling. -People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish. -It's not heaven, but you can see heaven from there. -The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come on back now, ya hear?"

 

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